Did You Take Your Vitamins?

Do you have a picky eater? They seem to be as common as dandelions. Is your picky eater a sneaky conniver like mine?

“Did you take your vitamins?” I holler to the boy with spiky tufts of hair exploding out of his head as he slurps the sweet milky residue in the bottom of his cereal bowl. Lucky Charms. Ugh. I know. That sugar bombs cereal has too much nasty toxic sweetness. But what’s a mom supposed to do when he refuses to eat anything else? At least he gets something in his belly. It is fortified with vitamins too, right? So, it’s got to be better than an empty tummy.

I look over to make sure the doctor-prescribed vitamins are not left sitting on the table after Lucky Charms Boy goes to brush his teeth, and I feel mollified. I’m doing something positive to promote his good health! He’s been such a picky eater—he would climb Mount Kilimanjaro before eating anything resembling a vegetable.

We have an ongoing battle over food. He refuses to eat any kind of potatoes except French fries. He eats hamburgers. He eats a raw carrot now and then. But he absolutely will not eat casserole with hamburger, potatoes and chopped carrots together, even without any green stuff in it. So, I tell him one mealtime that he will eat four bites of the casserole. I sit beside him and cheer him on. (And make sure he eats four bites!)

He eats four bites. Yay!

And promptly throws up on his plate.

I. GIVE. UP.

He wins the battle, but can I still win the war? I will wage this fight like any mama bear would for the good of her child! Vitamins are my weapon of choice. He can get all his daily requirements even if he doesn’t eat anything remotely close to a vegetable. What mama doesn’t want her child to thrive?

He doesn’t want to take vitamins either, but if I insist, they go down and stay down. In the meantime, I sneak spinach in one hamburgers meal (do you know how hard they are to grind to invisible size?) and broccoli into the next batch. However, he is getting suspicious. “What did you put in them, Mom?” he asks as he examines his food like a fanatical scientist searching for deadly bacteria.

I keep pushing vitamins. This child will grow up healthy if I have anything to say about it. “Remember your vitamins!” I shout at breakfast, implore at dinnertime. “Don’t forget your vitamins!”

My strategy is working, I think as I vigorously dust and clean one Saturday. I’m succeeding in consistently getting healthy nutrients into his growing body, I gloat triumphantly.

I notice that my dieffenbachia needs a bath, the leaves dull and dusty. Today’s self-satisfied feeling motivates me. I will clean this dusty plant. I dampen a rag and begin to wipe each leaf. This plant has certainly grown! Wow! It must love this sunny location! It’s another feather in my cap, I think, smugly. Many of my plants tend to whine and complain, but this one is thriving. Just like my finicky boy, I think. I’m doing something right!

I lean down to pluck a white-ish blob from the dirt. What is this? It looks like…a pill. Like…a vitamin! How on earth did it find its way into the plant’s pot? Crazy!

I look down and see more white objects. I dig into the dirt and pull out another pill. And another. The same vitamins I’ve been giving my son. There must be several weeks’ worth of vitamins here!

The little fraud! This kid has had his own shield deflecting my vitamins assault. He’s been stashing them into the plant dirt and triumphed again! The little hooligan! I might just pull his finicky little ears!

But this plant…did it grow insanely big and fast because of…the vitamins? Hmm.

I study the lush greenness. Who am I to argue with results? I push the vitamins back into the dirt and cover them up carefully. At least something appreciates my efforts.

I take my cleaning supplies back into the utility room, steep a cup of tea and sit down in my recliner. That little reprobate scallywag! He sure got me good! I sputter with indignant exasperation.

“Hey, Mom! What’s for supper?” asks the Lucky Charms scamp bouncing beside me with a bag of Cheetos and a grin as big as his heart, his hair especially endearingly tousled. I get up and punch his cute scheming body and then pull him into a tight hug. “Vitamins!” I answer, “Lots of vitamins with our hamburgers for supper tonight. I think my plant needs another dose.”

I sashay to the kitchen. Lucky Charms Boy stands holding the Cheetos bag with a very sheepish expression. The little rascal! I think he takes after his father.